Of burnout and broken hearts.
Just...thoughts.
It’s been a hot minute since I’ve graced your inbox with my presence, hasn’t it? I’d love to tell you it’s because I’ve been on a book tour talking about my bestselling romance novels with hundreds of readers who are obsessed with my work, but the reality is, I’ve simply been too burnt out and dejected to even function.
And that doesn’t just include updating my newsletter or writing my third adult romance novel that has a looming deadline of April 14, but also finding the will to write anything at all.
Well, shit.
I haven’t experienced burnout like this in many, many years. It’s the kind of burnout that seeps into your bones, draining you in ways that neither coffee nor a nap can fix. The kind of burnout where you start wondering if any of this—writing, publishing, being an author—is worth it.
The kind of burnout that makes you hate yourself for ever daring to dream big.
Let’s call a spade a spade: I might have a 5-book deal with Penguin Random House, but my two books from that deal (Match Me If You Can and Can’t Help Faking in Love) are virtually unheard of in the romance reader space, and don’t even get me started on the low sales numbers that haunt me every night.
Most authors dream of getting a book deal and think it’ll fix all their problems, give them everything they ever wanted, and finally, finally, finally make them happy. I used to subscribe to that school of thought too. After all, I’d wanted to get published since I was 8 years old. I didn’t need anything else except to achieve that goal.
Unfortunately, putting your first book out into the world is only one part of the whole author dream puzzle. And it’s a thousand-piece puzzle where half the pieces are either missing, in the hands of someone you will never meet (publishing executives, readers, or even Lady Luck), or simply from a different jigsaw puzzle altogether.
I’ve realized now that attaching any expectations to my author goals is setting myself up for failure and a broken heart. After all, no matter how many Reels I post or how much I talk about my books online, the fact is, no one can predict which books become bestsellers. Especially not when those books aren’t the big splashy titles that publishers are putting their money behind.
I have another three books lined up across adult and YA romance, and as much as I want to hope that they’ll change the prophecy and do what Match Me If You Can and Can’t Help Faking in Love couldn’t do, I know that isn’t realistic. The best way to safeguard my broken heart is to remind myself why I write—because it is my way of breathing, of exhaling, of processing my emotions and feeling all the feels without detached logic getting in the way.
All I can do is write what calls to me and write it well, market my books while getting sufficient rest (god knows I need it), and let my publishing team and my readers work their magic.
If you’re an author, have you experienced the crippling disappointment that is the weight of your own expectations? Comment below or hit ‘reply’ and tell me how you’re coping with it—I need all the help I can get!
And hey, if you want to read romance novels that are high on slowburn and low on spice, you might enjoy my books, linked here.
What I’ve been reading lately: The new Hunger Games book, Sunrise on the Reaping. GAH, the feels!
What I’ve been listening to lately: Olivia Rodrigo’s entire discography. Pop rock princess energy, 10/10, no notes.
What I’ve been watching lately: Uhhh, does staring off into space when I’m supposed to be writing count as watching something?
Love hard & dream big,
Swati 💛
I hope you hang in there and stay positive. You've been an inspiration to me since the days you were on Querytracker, and I kept seeing your name in the comments. It sucks that a book deal doesn't equate instant success, and that, as you say, Lady Luck may hold the missing piece to that author dream puzzle, but just remember that it took some well-known writers many years and a big backlist before readers found them. You're already so much further along than most of us. You're so YOUNG! And a published author already with a bright, bright future. I know it's heartbreaking, and now I'm heartbroken for you, but please don't despair.
This is just the start of something big and great for you, Swati. Hold on. And yes, do rest and recharge as well. 💖